The Viewing

Viewing and cremation are the two topics on which there will likely be the greatest differences of opinion among family and friends.

Seeing the body at rest is enormously helpful to some; the very idea horrifies others.

About a viewing

Viewing means to have an open casket. In other words, the lid or the upper portion of the lid of the casket is left open so that mourners may take a last look at the deceased.

Many grief counselors feel that seeing the body helps mourners to accept that death has really occurred. And once the death has been accepted, healthy grieving can begin.

This may be especially important for those who had not seen the person for a while.

Your clergyperson may have his or her point of view on this question. Certainly members of your family will offer opinions.

Whatever you decide, it is unlikely you will please everyone. There are no clear-cut answers, and emotions can run high. Let your guiding principle, therefore, be what you feel is right in this situation.

The circumstances of the death, the person's age, and the feelings of other mourners may all play a role in your decision.

When there is no body

In deaths like the September 11th tragedy, for most families there is no body. This can make it especially hard for mourners to come to terms with the death.

There is always the hope ... no matter how faint ... that the loved one will some day come home.

Paradoxically, that hope can add to your stress, and keep you from moving forward.

If this is your situation, you might want to spend some time with a trained counselor, talking about this extra burden that you are dealing with.