Remembering

Upon first hearing of the death of someone you love, you may be hit by a whirlwind of emotions: shock, disbelief, anger, even panic.

The frenzy of funeral planning will usually carry you through the first terrible days. But when the ceremonies are long over, the flowers wilted, the sympathy cards tucked away in a drawer, and friends have stopped calling ... that's when the full impact hits. You're alone now, with your thoughts and your memories. That's when you need new strategies for coping.

Are there any ways to ease your grief and begin to remember peacefully?

Here are a few suggestions (and you can also download our free booklet “Remembering with Love,” described later on this page):

• Name a star — When Vancouver police officer Larry Young was killed senselessly in a drug bust gone wrong, his fellow officers "purchased" a star in his name as a gift to his widow and two children. The family received a certificate from the International Star Registry (a private business) that the star which bears the star map designation RA 16h 56m 32sd 38 long 15 lat is now called Larry T. Young. The gesture means a great deal to the family and friends who loved him.
  

• Write a letter to the one you've lost — Especially if there are things you wish you'd said or done before the death, writing a letter to the person can help. Pour out your heart. Say everything you've always wanted to say ... things you didn't even know you felt. Once you've done that, you might write what you imagine his or her reply to you would be. This can be a surprising and comforting way to re-connect.
  

• Create a Memory Book — Creating a book filled with memories is another way to remember the dead. A Memory Book can contain anything that reminds you of the person: writings, photographs, remembrances from other people, special condolence letters, cards or objects created by or for the person, artwork, awards, certificates, medals, and postcards.
  
  Ann Eck's Montana family put together a booklet for friends and family several months after Ann's death. The booklet included a smiling photograph on the cover, prayers from the service, and excerpts from the many letters Ann's husband, Laurence, had received.
  
  As Eck says: "Preparing the booklet helped all of us, as therapy for our grief, to move ahead in a positive fashion, while giving us an opportunity to express our feelings and record them."
  

Free downloadable booklet: “Remembering with Love”

If you're struggling to come to terms with the death of someone you've lost, you might want to take a look at our free downloadable booklet, called “Remembering with Love.”

To download the booklet, you'll need Adobe Acrobat Reader Version 4 or 5.

Inside the booklet you'll find a variety of options and ideas to help you move from grief ... to peaceful remembering. Here's what you'll learn:

1. Healing your grief

2. Rituals of remembering

3. Gifts and foundations

4. Writing your memories

5. Creating a memory book

6. Creating a memory video

7. Memorials on the Internet

8. Naming a Star

9. A Memory Quilt

Download Remembering with Love here.

If you're having problems downloading the booklet ...

The two most common reasons for problems downloading are:

1. You do not have Acrobat Reader (or you have Version 3).

Solution: Download the latest version. Note: If you have Version 3 installed, Adobe recommends that you UNINSTALL it first, before upgrading to the latest version.

2. Your personal or corporate firewall is blocking the download.

Solution: Download from a computer which will allow the download.

When you need help writing a eulogy

“The book was tremendously helpful. Thank you so very much. The eulogy was absolutely beautiful and I had so many people make fabulous remarks about it! I know my uncle was proud!!”

— Amanda Hanson,
North Attleboro, MA

Click here to learn more about this downloadable Eulogy book